http://www.triingforhailey.com

I’m thankful for…

7/20/09
…Monday mornings
…snail mail
…getting “back on the horse”
…new opportunities
…feedback

7/27/09
…lessons learned
…starting over
…the rollercoaster
…air conditioning
…peace and quiet
…capturing moments with photos

7/28/09
…writing
…big blocks of focus time
…dissonance
…the PAIN of building trust
…the possibility of losing something very valuable
…inside jokes
…wanting
…reflection

10/12/09
…healthy kidneys
…consciousness of posture
…good F-ING lyrics
…excitement at work
…4th place finish and the world championships!
…the weight room
…someone to fight FOR, not against or with
…heartfelt congratulations
…deliberate happiness
…precious memories
…big plans
…purpose
…pleasant conversation with an ally
…lunch!
…not having the flu!
…heat
…Fall
…a quiet office
…new music!

10/25/09
…books
…the complexity of life - it’s an orchestra
…classical music
…the sound of rain
…live music
…good sound quality
…electricity
…big down comforter
…good pens

10/27/09
…anticipation
…blue
…coffee
…quiet
…mornings

11/2/09
…a friendly face in the morning
…REAL friends
…100% trust
…new friends
…the big picture
…the opportunity to GIVE
…a big, warm, bleeding, open heart
…a mature, experienced perspective
…a soothing voice
…green tea

11/6/09
…entertaining office conversation
…Thai food!
…an empty inbox

11/9/09
…my guy friends
…Chinese buffet
…movies
…a new, old perspective
…Chicago

11/10/09
…breakfast
…tea
…quiet
…email
…water

11/16/09
…surprises
…2nd wind
…REAL friends
…good lyrics
…mornings
…familiarity
…the unknown
…being humbled
…tea
…uncertainty
…self-awareness
…stupid mistakes

11/20/09
…romance
…vulnerability
…almost
…letting go
…breathing you in
…family
…classical music
…singing LOUD

11/23/09
…passionate music
…endings
…beginnings
…waiting
…anticipation
…good friends
…trust
…inside jokes
…laughing with strangers
…hot coffee
…HEALTH

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

Disclaimer:  I attempt to make no judgements about the history discussed below being “good” or “bad”, but only attempt to examine how changes in our culture have affected the nurturing and display of masculine and feminine energy.  I am also grossly over-generalizing, and I don’t mean to say that this affects everyone or affects you.  I’m only commenting on culture as a whole.

Up until the 1960’s in the United States, men had enjoyed unparalleled dominance in most realms of life.  The result was an unarguable inequality between men and women evidenced by domestic violence, sexual harassment, inequalities in the workplace, and social alienation.  The feminist movement in the United States in the 1960’s was an upheaval of power that not only forever changed the course of the country, but also ripples through our daily lives to this day.

With a new sense of empowerment, women took charge in the workplace and acted out about abuse at home.  Compounded by the sexual revolution, the birth control pill, and the “free love” movement of the 60’s and 70’s, women took more control in the US, whether outright or not, than ever before.

To excel with a new sense of empowerment, women with feminine cores (for purposes of illustration) took on masculine traits like independence, assertiveness, leadership, vision, and drive for accomplishment.  Look back at Part 1 for the basic masculine and feminine energy traits list.

Paraphrasing David Deida, feminine women built a masculine layer around their feminine cores.

Around the same periods of time, perhaps in response, there were significant shifts in the stereotypical masculine model as well.  Men formed support groups and “cried in the woods togethe” (Eben Pagan); the gay movement in the 70’s brought further popular acceptance to feminine men, or a masculine man’s feminine side; and newly empowered mothers, increasingly raising children on their own, taught their boys to “be nice”.  Men with masculine cores found themselves unacceptable in this new world.

Masculine men built a feminine layer around their masculine cores.

(Over-generalization follows…)  So in the 80’s and 90’s, the US became a land of masculine woman teaching their daughters to be tough and their sons to be nice, and emasculated men who either abandoned at the first sight of challenge, or never learned how to lead, how to take responsibility, how to protect.

Assume for a minute, if you will, that someone with a masculine core finds the most fulfillment in acting from that masculine core, and a feminine core is fulfilled by acting from that feminine core.  Culture had evolved in a way that simply wasn’t working - wasn’t fulfilling - to the 80% of the population of men with masculine cores and women with feminine cores.

I’m not exactly sure when the next shift occurred, but when I describe it, I’m sure you’ll be able to think of specific examples.  In search of a quick fix, masculine men who had built feminine shells around their masculine cores panicked when they realized (however faintly) they were betraying their cores - so the built another layer: a masculine shell around the feminine shell around their masculine cores.  Still with me?

This is the “macho dude” who’s really a soft, sensitive, caring “nice guy” who’s desperately unhappy because neither of those is his true, healthy, masculine core.

The same thing happened to feminine women:  they built a feminine layer around the masculine shell around their feminine cores.

This is the “high maintenance” girl who’s really an anxious “control freak” who’s desperately unhappy because neither of those is her true, healthy, feminine core.

Can you think of anyone who fits these descriptions?  A friend of yours?  Parent or relative?

I will propose for the 80% of masculine men and 80% of feminine women that getting back to the core is where the TRUE GOLD is - for yourself, for your relationships, for your children, and for the future.  But I won’t say it’s going to be easy.

Enough for now, more to come.

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 for some background.

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

Thank you for making me the luckiest man alive!

To those true friends who have stuck with me through the years…the list is short…

…who have loved me at my best, and forgiven me at my worst,
who have shared laughs, tears, visitors come and gone,
concerts and classes,
holidays and celebrations,
distance and time,
I am forever indebted to you.
I love you.
Thank you.

To those I’ve failed…the list is long…

…who have awakened my to myself,
who have left, whether for a day or a lifetime,
who I’ve hurt or abandoned,
who I’ve lied to or betrayed,
who I’ve taken for granted or cast out,
I carry you with me every day.  I beg your forgiveness.
I THANK YOU even more than my best friends,
as you’ve been my greatest teachers.
While I’ll fail at being the person I want to be
every single day, a hundred times,
know that I’ve felt he deepest sorrows a man can feel,
and I know that you gave me everything you have.
Thank you.

To those I’ve known only for a moment…

…a day, or a week, who have inspired me,
I thank you THE MOST.
While I may never get to tell you,
I’ll never forget you.
Thank you.

To all of you,

Thank you for making me the luckiest man alive!
{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

1.  Enjoy the time BETWEEN your destinations.
Some Yoga focuses on specific poses.  Vinyasa Yoga (the type I practiced) has poses, but stresses the importance of the flow between poses.  We all have goals or milestones in life like graduating school, getting a job, getting married, buying that car, retiring, etc.  I think it’s great to shoot for these things and all the other things that YOU specifically want to do, but there’s a heck of a lot of time in between those milestones.  Enjoy it.  It’s MOST of your life.

2.  Change your perspective.
Vinyasa Yoga involves facing forward, backward, and to the sides.  It’s easy to get uncomfortable or disoriented.  In life, the easiest choice is to latch on to one perspective or one belief and stick to it.  But I think as you explore the world more and consider other perspectives with an open mind, there is much to be gained and lots to enjoy by letting go of a safe, forward-facing direction.

3.  Run your own race.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  It doesn’t matter AT ALL.
It doesn’t matter if you beat the other guy.  He didn’t start at the same place or time that you did.  He’s not built the same way you are.  He doesn’t know what unique gifts and challenges are inside you.  He’s not a fair comparison.  Stop comparing yourself to others, and look back at how are you’ve come.  Coincidentally, I’ve read studies on some of the most successful people in the world, in business, finance, etc., and the ones who are HAPPY and FULFILLED are those who measure themselves in the healthiest way - to look back at where they came from and be grateful for every bit and piece along the way.

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

The plain and simple truth is that we all have some combination of masculine and feminine energy inside of us.  In fact, any person expressing an extreme polarity in any one side of these energies is probably either completely insane with disorder, or has ended up an axe murderer.  You probably lead with either masculine or feminine energy, but you have some healthy amount of the other energy which keeps you balanced, civil, and relatively happy.

Just as a quick example, is it possible for a masculine person to only express masculine traits and never express creativity, cooperation, listening, and openness?  Yes, it’s possible, but I can’t imagine this person surviving long or attaining anything close to a healthy, balanced life.

While it’s easy to assume that most men lead with masculine energy and a women lead with feminine energy, it’s far more complex than that, and therein lies the reason for this discussion.  Any man or woman can express either masculine or feminine energy depending on the energy they typically lead with, the complimentary or conflicting energy of the situation, and the demands of the situation itself.

The statistics approximately follow the 80-20 rule.  About 80% of men lead with masculine energy, and about 20% lead with feminine energy.  The same goes for women - about 80% lead with feminine energy and 20% with feminine energy.  For simplicity, I will assume for the remainder of these posts that we’re talking about the 80% of men who lead with masculine energy and the 80% of women who lead with feminine energy.  The most interesting dynamics come into play when a person who typically leads with one type of energy expresses the other type of energy.

We’ll take these assumptions for granted as we move forward to Part 3, where we discuss how masculine and feminine energy flow and dance in relation to one another in both harmony and conflict.

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

We’ll also explore the basic dynamic of the relationship between a masculine being and feminine being: for example, in order for the feminine to open up in a feeling, flowing, nurturing, and receptive freedom, it must trust in the complimentary masculine purpose, clarity, leadership, and loyalty.

Feminine - the light side:

Openness
Receptive
Listening
Nurturing
Giving
Flowing
Feeling
Community & fellowship
Supporting
Cooperating
Creative
Intuitive
Visionary
Fullness

Feminine - the dark side:

Weak
Insecure
Tentative
Needy

Masculine - the light side:

Presence
Purpose
Leadership
Structure
Planning
Accomplishment
Winning
Independence
Clarity
Closure & resolution
Rational
Direct
Practical
Assertive
Reliable
Trustworthy
Protective
Emptiness
Eager
Outwardly helpful
Persistence
Loyalty

Masculine - the dark side:

Harsh
Overly competitive
Violent

Stay tuned for Part 2.

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

Ok, so I’m obviously Dr. Phil, but I occasionally play Dr. Phil on TV.  The truth is I’m a psychology nut, and I love to think about how people interact and what makes things go well or poorly.

Over the years, through observing people and talking with people with much more life experience than I have, I have stumbled upon a number of ideas that, while none of them are completely or always true, seem to be reoccurring themes around successful relationships.  I’ve broken them down into two categories for now - 8 Ways to Kill Boredom in a Relationship, and 3 Relationship Killers.

Are these BOGUS?  Post a comment below and let me know what you think.

8 Ways to Kill Boredom in a Relationship

1.  Continually getting to know & understand each other

2.  HAVING A BLAST in ways that only the two of you can

3.  Helping each other be their best

4.  Giving to others - together (volunteer, give to charity, etc.)

5.  Learning new things - together (learn to dance, cook, skydive, etc.)

6.  Traveling & exploring - together

7.  Continually building and demonstrating trust, honesty, and positivity.

8.  Having emotional experiences - together (I’m not talking about getting all sad and sappy and crying together, I mean do things that are fun, exhilarating, exciting, interesting, things that stir up emotion in both of you!)

BONUS!! - 3 Relationship Killers

1.  Not acknowledging imperfection in yourself, and never learning how to integrate & transcend it directly relates to your ability to deal with imperfection in others in a healthy way.

2.  Coming into a relationship intending to ‘get’ things out of it rather than coming into a relationship ready to ‘give’ to the other person.

3.  Over-analyzing and talking about the relationship, rather than HAVING THE RELATIONSHIP.

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

I’m thankful for…

5/15/09
…paper and pen
…anticipation
…Spanish

6/3/09
…Chinese food
…the ability to relate to the experience of a friend
…anticipation
…intelligent women
…bikes!
…carbon fiber
…dental floss
…great jokes

6/9/09
…moments of self-awareness
…puzzles
…complicated people
…the chase
…anxiety
…reunion with good friends
…songs that get stuck in my head
…people I can’t stop thinking about

6/15/09
…bacon
…board games
…surprise fireworks
…beaches
…perfume

6/16/09
…my guy friends
…trust
…new ideas
…good shoes
…surprising people
…happy surprises
…fireworks
…the possibility of losing someting very valuable
…the unknown
…anxiety
…waiting for a call or message
…off-days

6/17/09
…a lot to say
…weekends
…instant messages
…coming home after the battle

6/24/09
…wanting
…dissonance
…uncertainty
…grilling out
…hanging out with the boys
…new bikes
…old bikes
…hair

6/29/09
…red wine
…fireworks
…holidays
…sunny mornings

7/7/09
…a new routine
…mornings
…dresses
…shoes
…decisiveness
…green tea
…vacations
…dreaming
…mountains
…smooth roads
…sunshine
…the past
…the future
…good smells
…good beer

7/8/09
…stretching
…mountain biking
…summer
…Jazz in the Park
…old friends
…birthdays
…grilling out
…an eager helper
…my friends

7/14/09
…surprises
…colors
…big smiles
…green tea
…sunglasses

7/19/09
…anticipation
…breathing
…good music
…waiting
…the unknown

{{Follow me for FREE on Twitter http://twitter.com/pspeers}}

I’ve gotten a number of requests for a post about how to get started with Triathlons, Ironman in particular.  While I claim to be no expert, the following details my learnings of my journey to finishing Ironman 2008.  FYI I will be doing Ironman 2010 in Madison - I hope to see you there!

If you get the puppy reference, I'll buy you lunch.

First of all, a HUGE thanks to my dear friend Chris for the inspiration to get started.

[Note: my friend is a marathon runner, so that is the context for this letter.]

Cover your childrens’ eyes and ears, here goes:

”
dear [CENSORED],

basics: if you sign up, i will sign up, too. actually i’m tentatively planning to do 2010 anyway. you must sign up 1-year in advance. the monday after this year’s race, everyone lines up early in the morning, so take the day off of work. there is an online registration, but i wouldn’t risk it in case the system is down. the race sells out within a few hours, at most. cost ~$400.

swim: i started swimming due to a kind offer from my buddy [CENSORED] who had taken some swim classes during college and had done a few shorter triathlons in the past. we have access to a fitness center with a pool through work, so we started swimming late fall the year before ironman. when i started i couldn’t even swim two lengths without stopping to rest and tread water. he gave me some pointers on technique, and after a few weeks, i got relatively comfortable in the water. so we swam 2 to 3 mornings per week for about 10 months pre-race. the swimming part was definitely the most challenging part for me.

another thing that was very helpful for my swim was attending a swim clinic. i would recommend that you attend as many as possible - you can get 1-on-1 recommendations on technique and the drills that will help most with your natural technique. i found a local group called TriFaster (http://trifaster.freeservers.com/) which holds clinics in the milwaukee area. i highly recommend that you find some clinics near you. Active.com has a good directory, for example http://www.active.com/page/Event_Details.htm?event_id=1660479&assetId=d90e35a9-1606-41ca-b2ec-c330a3c8ae72

others have recommended joining a ‘masters’ swim group. basically these are groups of folks who may or may not complete, but have weekly practice sessions and experienced swimmers on hand to give you tips.

i’ve also checked out some YouTube videos http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=&search_query=triathlon+swimming&aq=f

bike: the bike was my favorite part, maybe because it’s fastest and lowest impact, and if you get tired, you can just coast without sinking! you can really just get on a bike of any kind and start riding. i started riding about a year and a half from race day, on a hand-me-down road bike that was too small, with 10-mile-rides that kicked my butt.

through the winter, i road inside on the trainer (http://www.performancebike.com/shop/Profile.cfm?SKU=17878&item=40-1775&slitrk=search&slisearch=true), which can be pretty boring. i would throw on a dvd or some tunes to pass the time. some folks really like trainers because it’s a controlled environment where you can really fine-tune the intensity of your workouts. i still say - boring but necessary. i would say that keeping up the intensity during the winter was the single thing that allowed me to hit the ground running when spring came.

the big debate for the bike is triathlon vs. road bike, where the main difference is geometry. a tri bike puts you farther forward and preserves your quads for the run, while sacrificing a bit of climbing power. however, i would prioritize a full carbon fiber bike over aluminum - i believe this is more important than geometry, as you can always take advantage of the bike’s adjustments to get a good riding position. a full carbon bike will absorb bumps in the road like a dream, and over 112 miles, this is EXTREMELY important. your main obstacle (or at least mine, and many others’) will be to stay comfortable enough to stay down in the aero bars (available on road and tri bikes) rather than sitting up to stretch your sore arms and back.

for training rides, check out http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/ where you can find groups in your area and also in the race area (you doing madison?) to ride with. training for 112 miles is virtually impossible by yourself. also talk to your local bike shop, who will more than likely organize weekly rides.

check craigslist - now is a great time to buy a bike. to figure out what the best bikes are, check out http://www.roadbikereview.com/cat/latest-bikes/triathlon-bike/PLS_5677_913crx.aspx and sort “by Rating”. i have a Valdora PHX Carbon, formerly the top-rated tri bike on the market (darn Cervelo P2!). you can also find bikes and trainers and parts at garage sales, where many people are getting rid of bikes that have been sitting in the garage for years. you can also get GREAT bike deals at http://chainlove.com and http://bonktown.com

get AT LEAST a basic fitting at a bike shop (or from a pro like your dad!)

run: i think you’ve got the run pretty much covered. pace yourself throughout the swim and bike. many say that the ironman is just a marathon, with a long commute before hand. and KEEP GOING! there was a defo group at one of the aid stations last year - great to see them norski purple!

training plan: i recommend checking out the FREE 20-week ironman training plan at http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/ this is the one i used. i also recommend monitoring most of your training based on heart rate. this is especially vital on race day for pacing. i capped myself at 160 bpm, which is significantly lower than my typical training heart rate of 170-180 (my heart rate is naturally a bit higher). the other alternative is using a power meter on the bike, but (A) it’s EXPENSIVE, and (B) you can only use it on the bike.

nutrition: check out “Sports Nutrition for Endurance Athletes” by Monique Ryan http://www.amazon.com/Sports-Nutrition-Endurance-Athletes-Monique/dp/1931382964/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239666241&sr=8-1 for sport-specific and distance-specific nutrition plans tailored to morning or afternoon/evening sessions. for beverage, get tubs of gatorade powder. much cheaper than pre-made bottles, and you can vary the concentration for ultra-hot days. also, check out accelerade for recovery beverage, and endurolytes for long workouts and race day. gu and powerbars, also.

tapering and race day (you know this already): i recommend following the 20-week training program mentioned above. don’t push it a few weeks before the race, you won’t be any faster on race day, and you’ll risk injury. be ready for ANY type of weather on race day. stick to your heart-rate plan and pace yourself. as the 20-week plan recommends, practice your race-day nutrition on your long training days

try yoga for recovery days.

3 BASIC KEYS - (1) stay injury free, basic but vital. (2) make sure your clothes and equipment fit. basic, but also vital. (3) use good technique. again, basic but vital.

i’m sure i’ll think of more, hit me back if you have questions.

for some inspiration, check out http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=&search_query=ironman+wisconsin&aq=f

“