PeteSpeers.com

My personal blog is on PAUSE for a few months while I train for the Ironman triathlon, raise money for the PLGA Foundation & the MACC fund, and blog about it here:

http://www.triingforhailey.com

Happy Thanksgiving!

I’m thankful for…

7/20/09
…Monday mornings
…snail mail
…getting “back on the horse”
…new opportunities
…feedback

7/27/09
…lessons learned
…starting over
…the rollercoaster
…air conditioning
…peace and quiet
…capturing moments with photos

7/28/09
…writing
…big blocks of focus time
…dissonance
…the PAIN of building trust
…the possibility of losing something very valuable
…inside jokes
…wanting
…reflection

10/12/09
…healthy kidneys
…consciousness of posture
…good F-ING lyrics
…excitement at work
…4th place finish and the world championships!
…the weight room
…someone to fight FOR, not against or with
…heartfelt congratulations
…deliberate happiness
…precious memories
…big plans
…purpose
…pleasant conversation with an ally
…lunch!
…not having the flu!
…heat
…Fall
…a quiet office
…new music!

10/25/09
…books
…the complexity of life - it’s an orchestra
…classical music
…the sound of rain
…live music
…good sound quality
…electricity
…big down comforter
…good pens

10/27/09
…anticipation
…blue
…coffee
…quiet
…mornings

11/2/09
…a friendly face in the morning
…REAL friends
…100% trust
…new friends
…the big picture
…the opportunity to GIVE
…a big, warm, bleeding, open heart
…a mature, experienced perspective
…a soothing voice
…green tea

11/6/09
…entertaining office conversation
…Thai food!
…an empty inbox

11/9/09
…my guy friends
…Chinese buffet
…movies
…a new, old perspective
…Chicago

11/10/09
…breakfast
…tea
…quiet
…email
…water

11/16/09
…surprises
…2nd wind
…REAL friends
…good lyrics
…mornings
…familiarity
…the unknown
…being humbled
…tea
…uncertainty
…self-awareness
…stupid mistakes

11/20/09
…romance
…vulnerability
…almost
…letting go
…breathing you in
…family
…classical music
…singing LOUD

11/23/09
…passionate music
…endings
…beginnings
…waiting
…anticipation
…good friends
…trust
…inside jokes
…laughing with strangers
…hot coffee
…HEALTH

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And then something funny happened in the 60’s.

Disclaimer:  I attempt to make no judgements about the history discussed below being “good” or “bad”, but only attempt to examine how changes in our culture have affected the nurturing and display of masculine and feminine energy.  I am also grossly over-generalizing, and I don’t mean to say that this affects everyone or affects you.  I’m only commenting on culture as a whole.

Up until the 1960’s in the United States, men had enjoyed unparalleled dominance in most realms of life.  The result was an unarguable inequality between men and women evidenced by domestic violence, sexual harassment, inequalities in the workplace, and social alienation.  The feminist movement in the United States in the 1960’s was an upheaval of power that not only forever changed the course of the country, but also ripples through our daily lives to this day.

With a new sense of empowerment, women took charge in the workplace and acted out about abuse at home.  Compounded by the sexual revolution, the birth control pill, and the “free love” movement of the 60’s and 70’s, women took more control in the US, whether outright or not, than ever before.

To excel with a new sense of empowerment, women with feminine cores (for purposes of illustration) took on masculine traits like independence, assertiveness, leadership, vision, and drive for accomplishment.  Look back at Part 1 for the basic masculine and feminine energy traits list.

Paraphrasing David Deida, feminine women built a masculine layer around their feminine cores.

Around the same periods of time, perhaps in response, there were significant shifts in the stereotypical masculine model as well.  Men formed support groups and “cried in the woods togethe” (Eben Pagan); the gay movement in the 70’s brought further popular acceptance to feminine men, or a masculine man’s feminine side; and newly empowered mothers, increasingly raising children on their own, taught their boys to “be nice”.  Men with masculine cores found themselves unacceptable in this new world.

Masculine men built a feminine layer around their masculine cores.

(Over-generalization follows…)  So in the 80’s and 90’s, the US became a land of masculine woman teaching their daughters to be tough and their sons to be nice, and emasculated men who either abandoned at the first sight of challenge, or never learned how to lead, how to take responsibility, how to protect.

Assume for a minute, if you will, that someone with a masculine core finds the most fulfillment in acting from that masculine core, and a feminine core is fulfilled by acting from that feminine core.  Culture had evolved in a way that simply wasn’t working - wasn’t fulfilling - to the 80% of the population of men with masculine cores and women with feminine cores.

I’m not exactly sure when the next shift occurred, but when I describe it, I’m sure you’ll be able to think of specific examples.  In search of a quick fix, masculine men who had built feminine shells around their masculine cores panicked when they realized (however faintly) they were betraying their cores - so the built another layer: a masculine shell around the feminine shell around their masculine cores.  Still with me?

This is the “macho dude” who’s really a soft, sensitive, caring “nice guy” who’s desperately unhappy because neither of those is his true, healthy, masculine core.

The same thing happened to feminine women:  they built a feminine layer around the masculine shell around their feminine cores.

This is the “high maintenance” girl who’s really an anxious “control freak” who’s desperately unhappy because neither of those is her true, healthy, feminine core.

Can you think of anyone who fits these descriptions?  A friend of yours?  Parent or relative?

I will propose for the 80% of masculine men and 80% of feminine women that getting back to the core is where the TRUE GOLD is - for yourself, for your relationships, for your children, and for the future.  But I won’t say it’s going to be easy.

Enough for now, more to come.

Check out Part 1 and Part 2 for some background.

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To all of you,

Thank you for making me the luckiest man alive!

To those true friends who have stuck with me through the years…the list is short…

…who have loved me at my best, and forgiven me at my worst,
who have shared laughs, tears, visitors come and gone,
concerts and classes,
holidays and celebrations,
distance and time,
I am forever indebted to you.
I love you.
Thank you.

To those I’ve failed…the list is long…

…who have awakened my to myself,
who have left, whether for a day or a lifetime,
who I’ve hurt or abandoned,
who I’ve lied to or betrayed,
who I’ve taken for granted or cast out,
I carry you with me every day.  I beg your forgiveness.
I THANK YOU even more than my best friends,
as you’ve been my greatest teachers.
While I’ll fail at being the person I want to be
every single day, a hundred times,
know that I’ve felt he deepest sorrows a man can feel,
and I know that you gave me everything you have.
Thank you.

To those I’ve known only for a moment…

…a day, or a week, who have inspired me,
I thank you THE MOST.
While I may never get to tell you,
I’ll never forget you.
Thank you.

To all of you,

Thank you for making me the luckiest man alive!
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I singed up for a Yoga class a few weeks ago our of curiosity - certainly not a typical man hobby, but highly recommended for athletes and especially triathletes.  I showed up for a number of reasons:  stretching, breathing, and the adventure of trying something new and totally ‘out there’.  Little did I know I would come away with three life lessons:

1.  Enjoy the time BETWEEN your destinations.
Some Yoga focuses on specific poses.  Vinyasa Yoga (the type I practiced) has poses, but stresses the importance of the flow between poses.  We all have goals or milestones in life like graduating school, getting a job, getting married, buying that car, retiring, etc.  I think it’s great to shoot for these things and all the other things that YOU specifically want to do, but there’s a heck of a lot of time in between those milestones.  Enjoy it.  It’s MOST of your life.

2.  Change your perspective.
Vinyasa Yoga involves facing forward, backward, and to the sides.  It’s easy to get uncomfortable or disoriented.  In life, the easiest choice is to latch on to one perspective or one belief and stick to it.  But I think as you explore the world more and consider other perspectives with an open mind, there is much to be gained and lots to enjoy by letting go of a safe, forward-facing direction.

3.  Run your own race.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  It doesn’t matter AT ALL.
It doesn’t matter if you beat the other guy.  He didn’t start at the same place or time that you did.  He’s not built the same way you are.  He doesn’t know what unique gifts and challenges are inside you.  He’s not a fair comparison.  Stop comparing yourself to others, and look back at how are you’ve come.  Coincidentally, I’ve read studies on some of the most successful people in the world, in business, finance, etc., and the ones who are HAPPY and FULFILLED are those who measure themselves in the healthiest way - to look back at where they came from and be grateful for every bit and piece along the way.

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